From Two, to Three
Becoming parents is one of the most transformative, life altering experiences in life. Along with the joys and challenges of raising children comes the reality that your relationship with your partner will change. Between sleepless nights, diaper changes, and the seemingly endless demands of parenting, it can be easy to put your relationship on the back burner. However, nurturing your partnership is essential—not just for your own happiness, but also for your children’s well-being. A healthy, connected relationship provides a stable and loving environment for the entire family. So, how do you make time for your relationship after kids? Here are some practical tips to help you stay connected with your partner during this busy season of life.
Prioritize Couple Time
One of the most important ways to keep your relationship strong is by making it a priority. Treat your relationship the way you make time to scroll through socials and you should be just fine! This can be as simple as scheduling time to connect, even if it’s just for 15 or 20 minutes a day. Whether it’s sitting down for a cup of coffee in the morning before the kids wake up (if you’re not completely exhausted from having woken 4-5 times through the night) or having a quick chat after they go to bed, these moments of togetherness can help you maintain emotional intimacy.
Many couples find it helpful to have a regular “date night.” While hiring a babysitter and going out for a nice dinner is great, it’s not always feasible. Don’t feel pressured to have elaborate plans—date nights can happen at home after the kids are in bed. Watch a movie, play a game, or cook a special meal together. Hold each other through this massive adjustment. The key is to intentionally carve out time to reconnect as a couple.
Be Intentional About Communication
With the never ending nature of parenting, meaningful communication can often be the first thing to go. Instead of talking about how you feel or what’s going on in each other’s lives, conversations can become purely logistical—who’s picking up the kids, what needs to be done around the house, etc. While these conversations are necessary, they don’t contribute much to emotional connection.
To maintain closeness, try to incorporate non-logistical conversations. Ask about each other’s day, share something that’s been on your mind, or express appreciation for something your partner did. You may even consider starting a weekly check-in, where you take a few minutes to talk about how you’re feeling in your relationship and what you need from each other. Scheduling things in can go from boring to sexy when it’s something you are looking forward to.
Work as a Team
You’re in it together. You’re a unit and you need each other. A key to maintaining a strong relationship is working as a team. This means dividing up household and parenting responsibilities in a way that feels fair to both of you and being willing to help each other out when things get tough.
Teamwork also extends to your emotional needs. Recognize that your partner is likely feeling as overwhelmed or exhausted as you are. Try to be empathetic and supportive, even when you’re feeling stressed yourself. When you work together, you can face the challenges of parenting without losing sight of each other.
Have a Support Network
Parenting doesn’t have to be done in isolation. Leaning on your support system—whether it’s family, friends, or hired help—can free up time for you to focus on your relationship and take a nap. If you have family members who are willing to babysit, take advantage of it. If you can afford it, consider hiring a babysitter or a mother’s helper to give you and your partner some uninterrupted time together.
It’s important to remember that asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. It simply means you recognize that maintaining a strong, healthy relationship with your partner benefits everyone, including your children.
Final Thoughts
Making time for your relationship after kids is not always easy, but it is important. By prioritizing couple time, communicating intentionally, working as a team, involving others for support, and being patient with each other, you can maintain a strong, loving relationship even amidst the chaos of parenting. Ultimately, a healthy relationship benefits not just you and your partner, but also your children, as they thrive in a home filled with love and connection.
If you need help navigating this life change, Liminal Counselling in Ajax, ON is here to support your therapy and counselling needs. Please don’t hesitate to reach out today!
